It's been so long.
8:46 a.m. - 2007-04-07

sometimes I wonder if I should be with him. he's not reliable at all. and that's been his biggest weakness in my eyes.

my mom says she likes him but she just doesn't know sometimes. i'm embarrassed to talk about him, because people ask what he does for a living. he doesn't do anything, he's a bum.

and i might be pregnant, and who is going to help me afford an abortion, because as much as I want a baby, right now is not the time.

sometimes I wish I could end it, but it's hard to let go of someone you love more than the world. who you've loved for so long it seems, it'll be a year and a half soon.

my heart wants him to change. my head says it'll never happen, give up on him.

i'm just scared to have to handle this alone, i'm just hoping it's a scare, i'm not supposed to be a mommy at twenty years old. although i wish in a perfect world i could have a baby. i want something to love unconditionally, something that i created.

something i know will never leave me.

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